Interdependent Lover

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Interdependent Lover

Quick definition

Feels loved and secure when a partner devotes time to them.

Average user score

53

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Description

Dependent Lovers prefer to intertwine their lives with their lovers. Since spending time apart can feed into insecurities, these people seek to share every aspect of their lives, and often need to spend most of their time together to feel secure and loved.

Being attached at the hip can be cute initially, especially if you have the same interests and genuinely enjoy each other’s company. This is true of any relationship in its honeymoon stage, but for the Dependent Lover, it manifests as codependency that becomes the entire basis of the relationship.

Related Traits

Unlike Independent Lovers, Dependent Lovers also have more avoidant tendencies, which means they’re usually driven by a need to create a sense of harmony in their relationship—even if that means sweeping any hint of an issue under the rug instead of facing it head-on.

About this trait

Distribution of user scores

0

25

50

75

100

High scorers value quality, one-on-one, uninterrupted time with their loved one. The two key terms here are "quality" and "one-on-one". Quality means actually being present for the other person — not just watching tv or being in the room together. And one-on-one means having privacy together — not just hanging out with a group of mutual friends. This kind of quality time can manifest as talking about your day with each other, traveling together, or going for a walk together.

These people value things like good listening, a phone call when you haven't physically seen each other in a while, and sharing experiences together.

Some people mistakingly confuse quality with quantity of time. High scorers do not necessarily desire an abundance of their lover's time—though they might—but rather a certain degree of attention and presence from their partner that makes them feel loved, understood, and heard.

Healthy Adaptations

  • Healthy dependance on their partner, feeding the natural need for intimacy and closeness
  • Open and vulnerable with their partners, able to cultivate deep, intimate bonds

Unhealthy Adaptations

  • Adopting the identity of their partner. Losing their sense of self
  • Forming codependencies and withdrawing from life outside of their relationship