Independent Lover

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Independent Lover

Quick definition

Needs freedom and space in their relationships, values having an independent social life.

Average user score

47

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Description

Personal freedom and space are important to the Independent Lover. They don’t necessarily always need to be alone, but they do need space away from their relationship to pursue their own interests.

Often, this manifests as a tendency to maintain a separate social life from their partners, with their own friends and their own hobbies.

This doesn’t mean they don’t like doing things with their partner, simply that they feel like they need to have their own lives outside of the relationship, as well as the one they share together inside of it. This puts less pressure on their partner to fulfill all their needs.

Related Traits

Unlike Dependent Lovers, they don’t feel the need to sweep things under the rug to create a sense of harmony in a relationship. They’re likely to speak their mind and stand up for themselves and others, in a romance and in life.

About this trait

Distribution of user scores

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25

50

75

100

With high scores on Bond Avoidant, Independent Lovers are reluctant to form deep emotional bonds with partners. Potentially as a result of emotionally unavailable or unresponsive caregivers, these people tend to suppress outward emotions or displays of vulnerability. As adults, they may find it difficult to trust people and are wary of intimacy, which they instinctively perceive as unreliable. When someone gets too close, they’re liable to lose interest or close themselves off emotionally.

Healthy Adaptations

  • Able to give themselves and their partner the space to create their own sense of self outside of the relationship
  • Actively pursues time alone

Unhealthy Adaptations

  • Fear of commitment
  • Believing that an all-in relationship is interfering with personal freedom